We're still waiting to get my mom into the surgeon. The tests all came back very positive for ovarian cancer. The mass is about the size of a small orange. We have a tiny hope that it isn't cancer. We have a big hope that if it is definitely cancer that it hasn't metastasized. The MRIs showed no inflamed lymph nodes.
We're supposed to be one of the greatest countries in the world, so I find it very sad that it takes this long to get something so urgent taken care of. We found out on May 6, that mom might have cancer. Here it is May 29 and we still know nothing definite and we haven't even seen the surgeon. The insurance finally approved the visit to the surgeon today. Has Obama created this situation with his stupid health care reform bill? Or is it just greed on the part of the insurance company trying to find a way not to pay for medical services?
I'm sick of hearing that the big pharmaceutical companies are hiding the cure for cancer because treating it is so much more profitable than curing it. I hope that bit of information isn't true. If there is the slightest nugget of truth in it, there is no hope for mankind. Not because cancer will kill us, but because there is no good reason to let a species survive that would treat its fellow members in such an abhorrent manner. If it is true, I don't think I really want to know.
One thing I have learned that seriously damages my confidence in the goodness of mankind is that people over age 65 are expendable. There is no need to perform routine diagnostic tests after that age because life expectancy of anyone beyond 65 doesn't warrant them receiving treatment; the consensus in the impolite and true sense of the word is that older human beings are just not worth the time, money or trouble. Obama made this the standard. He doesn't believe in even repairing or replacing a broken hip in older Americans, it is just too expensive. Give them pain meds and leave them to die. I wonder when he will pass down the decree that pain meds aren't necessary either. The pain may kill old folks faster and make them less of a burden on tax dollars and over-crowded hospitals. It's deplorable.
I read something today, some bit of wisdom, that was supposed to make you feel better if you were at the end of your life. I can't quote it exactly and don't even know who said it, but it went something like this, In death we return to what we were before we were born. I asked myself, what the hell does that even mean? If that's comfort, I don't want to hear discomfort. If you are a believer in God and believe as I do that God created all of us at the beginning of time, it could be a comforting statement, but if you are not, it's depressing...because in essence, you become nothing.
I don't want to die and become nothing. I like living too much. I like the beautiful things on this planet that I credit God with creating. I don't want to become nothing. I also don't want to become a piece of larger whole, a spiritual being that rejoins with the great spirit. I want to retain my singular identity, I want to control my thoughts, my path, my destiny, my oneness. I want to feel, to experience, to think for myself. I'm a loner at heart and I don't want to be any different. If I have to be thrust in with a larger whole or made to sit at the feet of a great being in awe and just be, I think maybe I'd rather be nothing.
Life and living, whether in a physical or spiritual form, is about creating, desire, love, enjoyment, fulfillment, and more. I want to expand when I die, I want to know more, be more aware of everything. I hope and pray God is and I hope that greed and the other base attributes we all share die with our physical bodies. I love beauty, the beauty that exists in a sunrise, a baby's laugh, a thunderstorm, a tiny kitten playing with it's litter mate. I love God and everything that He created; I love the goodness that man can possess. I love that God has not destroyed us which shows He must have faith in our ability to be what He created us to be and if He can have that faith in us; I can have faith in His existence.
We're supposed to be one of the greatest countries in the world, so I find it very sad that it takes this long to get something so urgent taken care of. We found out on May 6, that mom might have cancer. Here it is May 29 and we still know nothing definite and we haven't even seen the surgeon. The insurance finally approved the visit to the surgeon today. Has Obama created this situation with his stupid health care reform bill? Or is it just greed on the part of the insurance company trying to find a way not to pay for medical services?
I'm sick of hearing that the big pharmaceutical companies are hiding the cure for cancer because treating it is so much more profitable than curing it. I hope that bit of information isn't true. If there is the slightest nugget of truth in it, there is no hope for mankind. Not because cancer will kill us, but because there is no good reason to let a species survive that would treat its fellow members in such an abhorrent manner. If it is true, I don't think I really want to know.
One thing I have learned that seriously damages my confidence in the goodness of mankind is that people over age 65 are expendable. There is no need to perform routine diagnostic tests after that age because life expectancy of anyone beyond 65 doesn't warrant them receiving treatment; the consensus in the impolite and true sense of the word is that older human beings are just not worth the time, money or trouble. Obama made this the standard. He doesn't believe in even repairing or replacing a broken hip in older Americans, it is just too expensive. Give them pain meds and leave them to die. I wonder when he will pass down the decree that pain meds aren't necessary either. The pain may kill old folks faster and make them less of a burden on tax dollars and over-crowded hospitals. It's deplorable.
I read something today, some bit of wisdom, that was supposed to make you feel better if you were at the end of your life. I can't quote it exactly and don't even know who said it, but it went something like this, In death we return to what we were before we were born. I asked myself, what the hell does that even mean? If that's comfort, I don't want to hear discomfort. If you are a believer in God and believe as I do that God created all of us at the beginning of time, it could be a comforting statement, but if you are not, it's depressing...because in essence, you become nothing.
I don't want to die and become nothing. I like living too much. I like the beautiful things on this planet that I credit God with creating. I don't want to become nothing. I also don't want to become a piece of larger whole, a spiritual being that rejoins with the great spirit. I want to retain my singular identity, I want to control my thoughts, my path, my destiny, my oneness. I want to feel, to experience, to think for myself. I'm a loner at heart and I don't want to be any different. If I have to be thrust in with a larger whole or made to sit at the feet of a great being in awe and just be, I think maybe I'd rather be nothing.
Life and living, whether in a physical or spiritual form, is about creating, desire, love, enjoyment, fulfillment, and more. I want to expand when I die, I want to know more, be more aware of everything. I hope and pray God is and I hope that greed and the other base attributes we all share die with our physical bodies. I love beauty, the beauty that exists in a sunrise, a baby's laugh, a thunderstorm, a tiny kitten playing with it's litter mate. I love God and everything that He created; I love the goodness that man can possess. I love that God has not destroyed us which shows He must have faith in our ability to be what He created us to be and if He can have that faith in us; I can have faith in His existence.
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