I Choose to Live

Everyday I fight depression. I think we all do at least a little, especially as we get older. So much has happened to us by the time we hit forty or fifty. There's often a lot of heartache in that amount of time. One thing that helps and maybe this doesn't seem very nice, but it helps, is to look around you and notice that there are a lot of people going through the same things you are and some of those people are going through things that are a lot worse.

When I started paying attention to just how hard life is on some people on this planet I realized I have a lot to be thankful for. What is amazing, if you ever engage one of these people that you consider worse off than yourself in a conversation, you will often find that they are very thankful for how good they have it! If that doesn't make you feel like your attitude may need some adjusting, nothing will.

Finally, I realized that the only way to true happiness is to be thankful. I'm still in the process, but when one starts facing every situation with a thankful heart, that situation becomes a lot easier to deal with. It may take some work to see what there is to be thankful for, but the more you practice being thankful, the easier it becomes.

When my brother died, I was only 25. I did not deal with it very well. I suffered and caused my family to suffer for years while I dealt with his loss. I was bitter and angry. I didn't understand. I blamed God, I blamed my brother's friend that survived. I wanted to hurt someone and sometimes I even wanted to hurt myself, but I came through it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not thankful for losing people, but I am thankful for the moments that I was fortunate to have them in my life. I'm thankful for all the memories and experiences we shared. They made me who I am and I like who I am. I know that I will see them again and I can enjoy the life I have left here on this earth and I'm thankful to God for giving me the life I have.

I try very hard to live my life to please God. I could do better, much better, but I try. I am most thankful for my capacity to love. There is so much to love. Of course I love my family. They make me want to breathe. I love their perfection and I love their faults. I love the silly things they say and do and the wondrous things they do. I love how they show me a different perspective to every situation.

I love the world God has given us. I love the colors of the sky, the ground, the water, the birds, and flowers. I love babies of every kind, man, animal and plant. I love to watch the world through their eyes and re-experience the wonder of newness. I love the smell of freshly mown grass and the air after a rain shower.

I am thankful that I can laugh, smile, tease and cry. Tears and heartache serve to make me realize the great capacity for love that God has given us. It is a wonder and a gift. I choose to live because I am still learning and loving every day. Thank you God for all your greatness!